Random Thoughts Of The Day...

Ok, Michael Jackson is dead. Get over it.

I ate way too much food today and it isn't even the 4th of July yet.

I stayed in last night to read The Time Traveler's Wife in one sitting. It took me five hours, I didn't like the end of the book, and I'm curious to find out how the movie will turn out. And even if the movie sucks at least Eric Bana is in it. I would watch him read from a phone book for two hours. Preferably naked. Him, that is. Not me. Or me if I'm in it with him. And if I'm in it with him then you can substitute the phone book for some handcuffs.

I've already started planning my trip to Portugal and Spain next year. Spanish men are absolutely amazing and I'm hoping to have some fun in Portugal as well. Why do vacations turn me into such a slut?

My July weekend trip to Asheville, NC, has been postponed. I have to come up with an extra $650 next month because...

...I am moving to a new house! I been living in the same house with the same two girls for the past two years and I think I'm just done with it. It's not that they are bad people. Well, one of them is just a fucking retard. And she's two faced. And annoying.

My future roommates are two very laid-back guys and I've known one of them for the past four years. I'm very excited about moving in.

If you ever needed proof that money doesn't buy you class then please watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey

I cannot wait for my three day Fourth of July weekend. I'm house-sitting and dog-sitting over the weekend and I'm going to RELAX, read, drink beer, grill and did I mention the relaxing part? It's going to be awesome.

I've already started packing. I'm not moving for over a month and I've already started getting my stuff packed up to get the hell out.

Do you ever get it into your head that you want to fuck a certain person and then you decide that, yes, you ARE going to fuck that person and you make it a mission of yours? I have the person in my sights and, YES, I think I can make this happen! It's my Thursday goal (so to speak).

I still have yet to write a post about my UK trip. I will eventually get to it. For now, here's a picture.



I am very much jonesing for a piece of pizza and I'm going to get one now. I'm out, bitches!

What are you gonna do, hit him? No that's a terrible idea, I'll tell you why: It doesn't unbang your mom.

I went to Philly a couple of weekends ago just because I've never been. I was invited to a bar crawl on South Street. I would love to write a post to give you all the details of that extremely fun night, but I just can't. I drank quite a bit. I drank so much that night I'm pretty sure I put the ex-marine that was tagging along with us to shame. I drank so much that Steven Adler would had said "Oh, that's a bit too much". I drank, I danced, I laughed, I got molested by way too many straight girls (and some gay boys). I had the best time.

So here are some fragments of the evening- some of which you will not understand:

• If you are ever in Philly then you MUST go to Bob & Barbara's. They have an all day special where you get a can of PBR and a shot of Jim Beam for $3. I knew I was in trouble the moment I walked in there.
  
• There is always someone in Philly who will be willing to buy you a few shots of Jager. And that person's name is The Most Awesome Guy Ever.
  
• Gay men love my tits. Of course, I didn't need to go to Philly to find this out. It just never gets old.
  
• Straight girls love my tits. And Philly girls have no problem coming up to me and asking me if they can feel them. And I have no problem saying HELL YES.
• I would make an awesome bouncer.
• I am the master of the name tags.
• Don't let them fool you: Men like to pole dance far more than women and, if given the chance, they will throw down.
  
• A Philly cheesesteak from Philly actually is 10 times better than anywhere else in the country.
• Guys in Philly love to buy me beers; therefore, guys in Philly are THE BEST IN THE WORLD.
  
• No, I didn't kill that shark.
• Duck lips?
  
• Am I seriously sleeping next to the cute guy from NYC? Why am I not trying to mack with the cute guy from NYC?
• Philly? Philly is the awesome.
  

Elvis or Grand Ole Opry?

I'm trying to do one weekend trip a month for the rest of the year. This month was Philly, next month will be Asheville, September will be Boston for sure. What about August? I'm thinking about Tennessee. The only question is: Nashville or Memphis?

Suggestions?

Feline Suicide (Don't Do It)*

Hey! I just remembered that I have a blog and that I should, like, update it and stuff!

Which I will. Eventually.

I still owe the four people who read this blog a post about my trip to London since it's been a whole month since I've been back and I will get to it soon. I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.

In the meantime, I am trying get my pictures organized and get my thoughts in order to figure out exactly how much detail I'm gonna give. And I'm too busy watching Bonnaroo online today.

I will absolutely post this week.





*No one will get the title of this post except for one certain person. I wanted to see if he is actually reading this blog because if he isn't then I'm gonna fly back to London and smack him. And not the good kind of smacking:)

Someone Make Sure To Get the Bail Money Ready

I may be arrested tomorrow. I'm not sure, but- depending on who you want to believe- I may be arrested for assault.

Let me explain.

I went to a happy hour today for a coworker (in another department) who was leaving. The happy hour was from 3-5 and by the time 6:30 rolled around it was only me and three other people left. Two of them I don't know all that well, and one was a director and his bitch girlfriend from another department. We were talking but she was being an obvious bitch to me by making rude comments and just being a twat.

Finally, I had enough of her shit and I told her to just stop being an asshole. She proceeded to call me a fat slob and a bitch while her boyfriend tried to stop the confrontation by telling her to relax. I called her a cunt (repeatedly) and left. On the way home, I was so pissed off about how she spoke to me. Who the fuck did she think she was talking to me that way?

I immediately turned the car around. I went back to the restaurant the happy hour was at and parked the car right in front of the door. I kept the car running, went in, walked right up the the table, grabbed an unattended drink and threw it right in the twat's face before turning right around and walking out. I got back in my car and drove off.

It.

Was.

Awesome!

Now, I'm either going to be arrested for assault or my work will try to fire me. I will absolutely sue their ass off, of course, if they try to fire me. It was after hours and off the clock and that is exactly what the bitch twat told me right before she started to insult me.

And if the police show up to arrest me, then I'm alright with it. It was worth it. Just make sure to post my bail.

Seriously. I'm the type of girl who will be sold to Big Bertha for a pack of cigarettes. I won't last in prison.

London was awesome!

And I'm still recovering.

A post explaining all the malarkey will come later.

England! Today! OMG! England! Today!

Screw you, bitches! I'm out!

I'm in London as you read this.

Suck it!